‘Purveyors Of Chaos (of the furry kind)’

Pets - a source of love, comfort, joy, enchantment, laughter, healing…

Pets - a source of aggravation, endless maintenance and occasional rage.

I regard pets as little children that never develop past their anarchy stage. In fact, I often refer to my pets (and I do love them) as ‘Purveyors of Chaos’.

Any given morning I could wake up to find items, sometimes valuable ones, on the floor in various states of disarray. Many, many times, especially because I have a head-strong elderly Dachshund, I will find deposits of doggy pee and poop. These deposits can be found both visually and if you're lucky (sarcasm), in a tactile manner - usually with bare feet. These alteration in the order in my household are a common and expected thing, consequently I’ve learned many strategies for lessening the impact of our furry anarchists behavior -

Direct and forthright messaging, IMO.

1) don't put anything related to food in trash containers that aren't dog-proof. - Typically, refuse containers that are not in the kitchen are smaller and decorative. They are to be both used and appreciated for their contribution to the vibe of whatever room their in. That being said, dogs don't give a poop about any of that - if you put, let's say a wrapper from a mozzarella cheese stick in your living room trash; It is only a matter of time before that can will be upended and thoroughly ransacked by your dog. Anything, I mean ANYTHING that is remotely related to food is left in these receptacles is fair game. I will not mention that this range of dog interested materials can verge on absolutely disgusting. Suffice it to say, that this issue has led to my youngest daughter making this sign for our bathroom door (Grif is our dog):

We now have given up - no feng shui for us. My dog pretty much regards anything as something consumable and hence, we put our dainty refuse containers up, out of reach. Thankfully, we have a short dog with stubby legs so we don't have to place things too high. If you have a large dog, IMO, you're f-ed. Just resign yourself to having daily chores that are not pleasant and never-ending.

2) If your cat is hungry or want's something, make sure you desk, tables or any horizontal surfaces don't have anything valuable on them. - cats, from my experience are not as overtly destructive/disruptive as dogs, but that doesn’t make them any less of a problem. If any one of my cats is getting hungry and are ready to be fed and I'm not jumping into Fancy Feast mode; they will come up onto my desk and start strategically meandering amongst my belongings. They will casually knock items onto floor with no remorse - BTW, dogs do show remorse, they'll make that 'I'm sorry' face - but cats will knock anything on onto the floor and act like - that's one, fella, your tape measure or phone is next - you wanna play this game?

This leads to my next point

3) cats can jump and jump high and they are not the best judge of how and where to jump - in addition to the belligerent behavior of a hungry cat on your desk, sometimes havoc can be wrought by your feline friend trying gymnastic maneuvers that go south. Many times I have been startled by crashing sounds brought about by one of my cats attempting a jump that just didn't go as planned. You've heard the saying 'curiosity killed the cat' well 'curiosity also broke my mother's beloved nick knacks'. Here's the deal - cats are basically super heroes in furry disguises - they can jump vertically up to six times their length (approx. 8 feet). They have claws that allow them to climb surfaces to indefinite heights and this leads to my last point - cats can fall surprisingly large distances without getting significantly hurt - this is due to two major factors - 1) they intrinsically will turn to land on their feet regardless of what their position was at the start of the fall and 2) a cats legs are not directly attached via their skeleton to the rest of their body. Their appendages are attached by a strong, yet flexible network of muscles and tendons, so when a cat hits the ground with a significant impact, their non-rigid structure acts as shock absorbers.

As interesting as this is and as much as its a contributing factor to a cat’s resilience; this attribute can not be applied to whatever rigid items that came along for the ride during my cats abortive attempt to climb my bookshelf- they broke, the cat didn't.

I could go on about other 'dangers' that are consistently in the offing for owners of dogs and cats but this list covers a good portion of what one might expect.

Please don't misunderstand, I love my pets, I am willing to accept the chaos that they bring into my life. In my opinion, it's a fair trade for the love, affection and undying devotion that they provide. Just buy a lot of paper towels and be sure to make strategic changes in your home’s layout - you'll be happy you did.

Cheers.