‘Let Go…’

As I went to the ER on 5/10 and subsequently into the HP that night. I was of two minds 1) these fucker just want to make a mountain out of a mole-hill and the other was: 2) Shit there might be something going on here. Thankfully, my ER Dr. was very forthright and honest and I trusted him so when I was told that I was being admitted, I let go of my apprehensions and gave myself to the care of those in the HP.

I must say that each and every person I met at the hp was wonderful. They were on top of their game, always upbeat and willing to do whatever was needed.This, I believe, contributed to my absolute trust of the staff and doctors. Of note, my surgeon was the sort of Dr. that was compelled to explain the process in detail, almost like an crime mystery: he explained what the CT scans had found, how unexpected what he saw in the scan was, and finally, after a couple more tests, determined that I needed surgery. All along the way, he included me in the process so that when choices were made I was informed and on board.

With all this positivity going on and my faith in the doctors and God for taking where I needed to be, there were times when a need or desire for something I didn't have at the moment would crop up. It could be something simple as needing my toes covered with the blanket to wanting to walk, go out the door and go home. During those moments I reminded myself to let go - that I should acknowledge that my baby lizard brain wants something and then let it fade into the ether. My training in meditation was incredibly helpful in this regard. As soon as these nagging thoughts would come to me, I would nip it in the bud by starting a meditation. This worked each and every time and I credit those techniques and my trust in God for taking where I need to be for getting me through those tough 15 days.

Now that I'm home, I can tell I'm getting better because that same "I want this now!!!" impulse is popping up, but it's not to get my toes covered or wishing to transcend my current limitations; it's more like "I want the Dr. to pick up the phone NOW!", "I want my email answered NOW!"; you get the idea. Again, I apply the thinking that I so desperately needed in the hospital to these trivialities and thankfully refocus on what's truly important at that given moment.

There's a saying Let Go And Let God... in a way, this is my way of implementing that idea.